Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The End is only the Beginning.....

Coach Craig stepped quietly onto the deserted pitch and took in his surroundings. The Astrogranite was cool under his feet and he relished the feeling. It had been a long, hot summer, the kind that drove men to madness. It had been wonderous. But summer had passed into autumn and the season of Blood was upon them once more. Coach Craig thought back to the last time he had stepped into the stadium, the chaos he had created, the power he had wielded.....

 Sure his C.F.L. had taken third place behind the Stonghold Strongarm and Coach Coffin's undead but both of those coaches had to sleep uneasily with the knowledge that it was only because Craig had decided it should be so. They both knew in the cold pits of their stomachs that they had been defeated.  Coach coffin had even gone so far as to flee the region to seek greener pastures and lesser prey. But the Stronghold, they were dwarves and would hold a grudge. They would want to see their secret shame avenged. They would be back. Chaos would ensue.

Coach Craig smiled. This would be a fun season indeed.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Crusader Cup Season 1 Finals!!!! + A Calculated Return....

It was a bright beautiful day for the NCC finals to kick off and saw the Strongarm battling the shambling corpses of Coach Coffin battling for Gold and Silver while Coach McCourt's Reikland Reavers challenged the Kroxigoons for Bronze. The announcers and fans alike were going wild:

"With the end of the first half in the gold/silver game we find the Stronghold Strongarm and the forces of Coach Coffin locked in a dead 2 all tie. Looking back it seemed inevitable that it would come down to these two once more especially since Coach Craig and the C.F.L. disappeared from the presumed sealed tournament ground."

The crowd erupted in Cheers and accolades as fan favorite and series underdog the Reikland Reavers took to the field.  The chant of HABS! HABS! HABS! HABS! filled the air

"It is rumoured that this new fan chant is in reference to the Reavers recent HABit of knocking off top ranked teams and making a mockery of the standing system. Here is a team ranked 6th in the regular season ready to do battle and likely crush the first place divisional team of the Kroxigoons!!!!!Their brilliant success has even landed them the services of a special draft star player for this last game - well known play leveller, chainsaw juggler and fan favorite Wilhelm Chaney has taken the field with them."

But then in that moment there was something else in the air... a strange smell like ozone and brimstone.....and a deep reddish fog began to form amidst the ranks of blue clad reavers fans.  The fog coaleced into a small hoard of bizarre shaped beings that could only be the thought vanished Craig's Fantasmagorical Legion!  Coach Craig marched his unnatural legion down through the stunned fans until he stood before the Kroxigoons team and reached deep into his robes producing a small golden tablet which he held out.  Taco, aged patriarch of the Kroxigoons reached out to take the tablet his venerable hands shaking with anticipation.

Taco examined the tablet with reverence and then in a deeply accented tounge pronounced:

"Coach Craig, you have indeed held up your part of our bargain! In exchange for this Ancient relic of my people I hand over all rights and ownership of the Kroxigoons franchise to you for a period of two lunar cycles."

Coach Craig began to laugh maniacally.
 "As always it was to be in the eye of the great master of fate! I now declare all current Kroxigoon team contracts null and void - You are all fired! In their place I present my roster of daemonic servants and hereby rename the franchise The C.F.L.!!!!  Now Coach McCourt - prepare your puny vassals for the final battle!"

With that the crowd erupted in a violent  bench clearing riot, which would later be traced to a sect of CFL cultists... er fans(?), and the final game began in earnest for both teams. One would prove themselves worthy of immortalisation on the Crusader cup whereas the other would be damned for all eternity!


Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Whispers in the Darkness &The NCC Semi Finals

Due to some strange disturbances in the warp - Coach Coffin's expose on the state of the NCC league has been delayed. We have, however, been assured that the article is indeed coming.

Game 9 (PO2)

Strongarm (TO GOLD ROUND) / Coffin
Kroxigoons / The Hoard (OUT)
Plague/ Skull Crushers (OUT)
Reavers / Crusaders (OUT)
Hooligans (OUT)
Nightmare (OUT)
Manchester Morgue Fillers (OUT)


Game 10 (PO3)
Kroxigoons (TO BRONZE FINAL) / Plague (OUT)
Strongarm (TO GOLD ROUND)

White Tail Neptune Plague - (OUT)
Akatruki's Hoard (OUT)
The Sunday Skull Crushers (OUT)
Nuffle's Crusaders (OUT)
Hildebrandts Hooligans (OUT)
Midnight City Nightmare (OUT)
Manchester Morgue Fillers (OUT)


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

C.F.L. Downed by... The Hoard? What THE!?!?!?!

In what can only be deemed a part of Lord Tzeentch's strange master plan, the CFL, having slapped the Hoard all around the field proceeded to step aside and let their lone remaining fieldable player "Bob" the Wight stumble the entire length of the field to score the games one and only touchdown.

The C.F.L. then vanished from the field back into the warp before the Wight himself fell over unable to continue (if they had stayed a split second longer this would have constituted a forfeit!!!)

Coach Craig Was Unwilling To Comment
(and we didnt exactly push the point... just in case...)

One must wonder if this has any connection to the recent disappearances of the Manchester Morgue Fillers and Midnight City Nightmare? When asked about the possible connection Coach Craig merely smiled meaningfully and walked away whistling to himself.

Game 8 (PO1) Results
Kroxigoons (L)168 /  Riekland Reavers (H)130
1-0 Akatruki's Hoard (N)56 / C.F.L. (SL)165
2-0 Coach Coffin (U) 154 / Whitetail Neptune Plague (SK)140
1-1 Sunday Skullcrushers (O)53 = The Stronghold Strongarms (D)162
0-0 Hildebrandt's Hooligans (O)130 = Nuffle's Crusaders (Buy)

Game 9 (PO2)
Coffin vs Strongarm
Kroxigoons vs The Hoard
Plague vs Skull Crushers
Reavers vs Crusaders (buy)
CFL vs Hooligans

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


Kroxigoons FTW!

Slow and steady certainly seem to have won the race for the Kroxigoons who finished the regular season in FIRST PLACE!!! Well done to Coach Giles and his crew. 

It seems that the death of the Lich King had more effect on Coach Coffin's team than most would have thought - seeing him lose a crucial game and drop from 1st to 4th in the rankings. Coach Coffin seemed confident in the future of his team and was quoted as saying: "Following the death or Arthas there was a distinct drop in the old team magic - literally - as such the team did not perform well. I think that things have rebounded a bit and you will see some new life... er unlife?... in the team during the playoffs!"

Coach Craig was very impressed by the futile attempts of the Sunday Skullcrushers and has suggested that they may actually be starting to look like a team rather than the disorganized rabble we have all grown to love and loathe in equal measure.....

The Midnight City Nightmare have somehow garnered the first tournament buy and have reportedly used the time off to visit the Pulse training camp. What lightning fast tricks they will learn there is anybody's guess.

The Reavers have tied the Hooligans for 6th - surprising since the Hooligans are a virtual mystery to everyone in the league. Apparently Commissioneer Craig has been pulling some serious shennanigans this season...
Insiders are saying that the Morgue Fillers are looking strong on the field but may need to seek out a new coaching staff. No one has stepped forward thus far so Coach Nick may be safe for the time being... mabey

STATS Game 7 - Final regular season game - asserts rankings for opponents in the playoffs

1-0 Kroxigoons (L)168/ Coach Coffin (U) 154
1-0 The Stronghold Strongarms (D)162/ Manchester Morgue Fillers (C)58
3-1 C.F.L. (SL)165/ Sunday Skullcrushers (O)53
3-1 Whitetail Neptune Plague (SK)140/Akatruki's Hoard (N)56
0-0 Hildebrandt's Hooligans (O)130 = Riekland Reavers (H)130
0-0 Midnight City Nightmare (DE)112=Nuffle's Crusaders

Which means the following will be the seeding for
the first playoff round!

1 Kroxigoons (L)168 vs 6 Riekland Reavers (H)130
2 C.F.L. (SL)165 vs Akatruki's Hoard (N)56
3 Whitetail Neptune Plague (SK)140 VS Coach Coffin (U) 154
4 Sunday Skullcrushers (O)53 VS The Stronghold Strongarms (D)162
5 Hildebrandt's Hooligans (O)130 vs Nuffle's Crusaders (Buy)

Monday, February 22, 2010

In Honour of Arthas!

“Greetings one and all and thank you for coming.” The cold voice of Tichondrious (Vampyre turned Wight) carries out over the crowd. He stands on a platform in the middle of the stadium. “As you all know, these past games have been relentless battles. Half the time on the field was spent arguing about proper procedures while the other half consisted of players brutishly pounding each other to make up for the lost time.”

A roar of approval erupts from the audience. Howls mixed with gunshots escalate the fervour of the crowd as they relive their favourite games. (An unfortunate goblin is tossed into the air with a bomb strapped to his back.) Tichondrious grins, his black lips spreading across his long-dead face. As the screams (of the goblin) die down, Tichondrious resumes.

We are nearing the beginning of the semi-finals and with the team rankings finally set in their proper places...” *Applause* (from the members of Coach Coffin’s team who actually have hands and a head to know how to use them) “...I feel that we, and the rest of the members of the NCC, are ready.”

The antics of the crowd pick up again. Some begin to cant “NCC! NCC!” and soon the ground begins to shake as the creatures stomp the ground and raise a ruckus. (Miraculously the goblin survived; unfortunately this encourages the crowd to try again.) Tichondrious examines the crowd and waits for them to finish, then realizing that they are not going to; he cuts in with a bone chilling wail. (Being a Wight has its benefits.)

“With that I would like to bring your attention to a tragedy, one which has undoubtedly impacted us all.” Tichondrious closes his eyes.

The crowd looks up, puzzled, unsure of what he means. All motion has ceased. (The goblin makes his escape). The Undead below Tichondrious begin to wail. The Ghouls scrape at their eyes, the Zombies their flesh. The Skeletons are taking their ribs and snapping them one by one. The members of the audience look to each other for an explanation. None is proffered.

“Arthas Menethil is dead!” More confusion. Some begin to laugh. Death is a part of the contract, everyone knows that! Although death is rare for undeath, it is still possible.

 Growing bored the audience begins to leave. They start talking of the upcoming finals, making bets followed by plans to poison the ones they bet against. An explosion catches the crowd’s attention and they make their way to the source to see if it marks the beginning of another game. (The runaway goblin apparently forgot to take the second bomb off his back, much to the pleasure of the crowd.)

Tichondrious does not notice his audience leave him as he stands in silence to honour the passing of his idol. With his team below acting as his only listeners, Tichondrious continues his speech.

“We all know of the triumphs of Arthas. Of his evolution from man, to death, to King of Undeath, he has touched us all.”

“And I would like to make a vow, that from this day forward, all of our games shall be played in honour of him, and that through him, we shall be triumphant!”
The Ghouls, Zombies, Skeletons, and even the Mummies, cheer, they begin to ceremoniously stomp the ground, both for effect and to attempt to reach Arthas in the far reaches of hell. As one the yell out to the world their new motto, “FOR ARTHAS!”


On A related note, Coach Coffin has been reportedly been considering a new mascot - in order to draw in some younger blood...er ...fans (yeah thats it!) by softening the public image of his team a little. Here is a little preview - write in and tell us what you think?

Friday, January 22, 2010

Strongarm Drop Like A ROCK!!!!!

The premier game of the New Year saw the much anticipated match up between 4-1-0 C.F.L. led by Coach Craig and the undefeated 5-0-0 Stronghold Strongarms.

After all was said and done Coach Craig had this to say:

 "If I could, I think I would have to give my team's MVP award to Strongarm vet. player Gattil!!!! He fumbled more than some potted plants I know....

 But that being said I am very pleased with my Team today - they have learned a lot and earned a lot. Abraxus The Multiformed finally lived up to his role of being the team hammer. If today is any indication, having seriously injured Denovay the slayer and taking him out of the next game, there is much to believe in the words of those who say his best hits border on felonious assault.

Abraxus was also key, along with the brilliant plays of actual game MVP The Mighty Fecundus in holding down the Deathroller and ensuring that it had little impact in overall play. Thanks to Coach B himself for the insinuations regarding what their forges were working on in his previous interview - it really allowed us to be prepared for this mechanical monstrocity.

The Deathroller in action vs the C.F.L.

Fecundus was a monster today (technically, being daemonic and all, I guess he is a monster everyday - but I think you catch my meaning) and had a key role to play in all the major plays of the day. He is often underrated but has clearly become a major key to this team's play. The fleet footed catchers moved exceptionally, the linesmen supported and everything went pretty much to plan. Really it was the Dwarven inability to hang on to the ball which made it a massacre instead of just a beating.

What amuses me the most is just how easily these fools have succumbed to the great plans of Lord Tzeentch. Us losing the previous game has ensured that this defeat moves the Strongarm not to second but causes them to fall meteorically all the way back to fourth!!! "Any way but down" indeed Coach B"

Just goes to show that what the famous philosopher Play-Doh (or whatever his name was) said is right "You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation." The Strongarm talk a good game but if you dont let them intimidate you they fall apart like Jenga played by hyperactive monkeys (or by the coaching staff of the Skullcrushers... more or less the same thing really)!

Actually this guy looks scarier than most of the Skullcrushers.....

In other games - Coach coffin raised more than just Zombies with a win over the INCREDIBLY VIOLENT Midnight City Nightmare.  While this may have propelled Coach Coffin into the top place in the league I think that the Nightmare were the real winners here as the coaching staff seem to finally be using the strengths and abilities of the players in an effective manner. The team owner was overheard saying "Those zombies may be a pain - but they make for great target practice!"

In additional play the Kroxigoons continue their slow but steady rise to greatness, and the Plague once again show that they can be a serious threat and a dangerous crew. The Hoard, Skullcrushers, Hooligans, Kroxigoons, Crusaders and the Reavers all draw in what appears to be a general stabalising of the challenger (though challenged is perhaps more appropriate....) ranked teams.

That pretty much wraps it up for this edition of N.C.C. News - see you next week time for more action from the Crusader Cup!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Games 5+6

Game 5
•3-1 Akatruki’sHoard (N)59/Skullcrushers(O)45
•3-2 Coach Coffin(U)156 / C.F.L. (SL)135
• 1-0 Stronghold Strongarms(D)168/WhitetailNeptunePlague(S)110
• 3-2 Kroxigoons(L) 142/RieklandReavers(H)113 
• 0-0 MidnightCityNightmare(DE)110 / ManchesterMorgueFillers (C)100
• 2-2 Norse Nuckleheads (H)100 = HildebrandtsHooligans (O)125

Game 6
• 4-1 C.F.L. (SL)153/Stronghold Strongarms(D)150
• 2-0 Coach Coffin(U)170/MidnightCityNightmare(DE)96
• 0-0 Skullcrushers(O)65=Nuffle's Crusaders(H)
• 3-2 WhitetailNeptunePlague(S)126/ ManchesterMorgueFillers (C)70
• 0-0 Reikland Reavers (H) 122 = Kroxigoons(L) 151
• 0-0 A. Hoard (N) 69 = Hildebrandts Hooligans (O) 131

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

NCC Pitch!!!

With great thanks to Stef "Malface" Grambart I present the Nuffle's Crusader Cup Pitch!!

(Now with working Link - Huzzah!)